‘Christmas comes but once a year’.
It’s a line from an 1851 poem by Thomas Miller. No doubt Christmas festivities were very different in the 19th century and probably only lasted a day or two. Now, the Christmas ‘season’ begins as soon as shops have taken down the display of pumpkins and replaced them with cards and tinsel.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…but not for everyone.
Along with the holiday season can come pressures that can intensify grief, anxiety, depression, stress and overwhelm. Even if you’re not experiencing distressing mental health challenges, you may have a general sense of unease about parts of Christmas. You’re not alone. In a YouGov survey ¼ of people said that Christmas makes their mental health worse.
Why can Christmas be difficult?
Alongside a genuine hope that it will be a special time for everyone, come pressures about what that should look like. Happy family gatherings, a perfect meal, piles of presents under a beautifully decorated tree – for many that is what they feel Christmas ought to be, especially when we watch the commercials on TV. Social media may exacerbate stress during the holiday season; comparing yourself to someone else’s seemingly ‘perfect’ Christmas can leave you feeling like a failure.
What does ‘perfect’ look like when there are family tensions, financial pressures, illness or a sense of grief and loss?
Take some time to think about what is essential for you to have a good Christmas. Is it to be able to spend Christmas Day with friends, go to a Carol Service, visit Christmas lights or spend the day alone. What is your one Christmas wish that would make it perfect for you?
5 tips for coping at Christmas
1. Manage expectations
Be realistic. Manage expectations about your time.Are you able to spend a week with family and friends or would it be more helpful to visit for a couple of days. Manage expectations about money. If funds are limited, talk to friends and family in advance and decide a budget for presents or agree to spend time together instead.
2. Plan time for yourself
Allow yourself to take time out if you find your stress levels rising. Go for a walk, listen to some music – whatever will help you relax and unwind. If you have a lot of responsibility try to plan for this in advance.
3. Take a break from social media
Limit your time on social media.If stopping altogether seems too daunting, set yourself some time limits. Use it to check in on friends and family but try to avoid scrolling through your timeline. Photographs and videos never reveal the whole picture.
4. Reach out to community
Is Christmas a time when you feel more isolated? Many organisations offer support at Christmas, so finding out what is available in your local area may provide you with a powerful source of help. Volunteering at one of these events might also be a good way of reducing loneliness and giving you a sense of purpose if you’re spending Christmas alone this year.
5. Everything in moderation
It can be tempting to over-indulge at Christmas, particularly as we navigate our way through spending time largely at home. However, there can be negative side effects from too much excess, such as feeling guilty afterwards, feeling physically bloated and unwell, increased negative emotions from alcohol, which is a depressant, or interference with prescribed medication. Limit your intake and enjoy the benefit of a clear head the next day.
Help and support
If your life is at risk right now
If you feel like you might attempt suicide, or may have seriously harmed yourself, you need urgent medical help. Please:
- Call 999 for an ambulance
- Go straight to A&E, if you can
- Call your local crisis team, if you have their number
If you can’t do this by yourself, ask someone to help you.
Mental health emergencies are serious. You’re not wasting anyone’s time.
Other help
Call Samaritans on 116 123 (freephone). Their English language line is always open. They have a Welsh language line too, which is open daily from 7pm to 11pm.
Text SHOUT to 85258. This is a free 24/7 crisis text service run by Shout.
Call Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) 0800 58 58 58
thecalmzone.net Provides a helpline and online chat, as well as information and support, for anyone affected by suicide or suicidal thoughts.CALM’s helpline and webchat are open from 5pm to midnight, every day of the year.
Cruse Bereavement Support Information and support after a bereavement.The Cruse helpline is open Monday to Friday, from 9:30am. The closing time varies per day, from 5pm to 8pm. 0808 808 1677 cruse.org.uk
Relate Provides help and support with relationships, including counselling and telephone support. relate.org.uk